


Lessons in Parenthood

by AParticularlyLargeBear



Series: Lessons [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, F/F, Kid Fic, Nightmares, OTW Slack Trope Bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 02:32:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7958938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AParticularlyLargeBear/pseuds/AParticularlyLargeBear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the Shepherds learn more about the mysterious youths hailing from the future, their tactician finds herself overwrought, overstressed, and filled with doubts.</p><p>The appearance of her lover's supposed daughter does not simplify matters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lessons in Parenthood

When the Shepherds encountered a woman named Lucina in Plegia, the ramifications didn't quite click at first for Eddi. She was a little too preoccupied with the double whammy that was her apparent parentage and the existence of a doppelganger. Time travel? Sure, why not; it wasn't as if any of the rest of this was making sense. It said something when somebody jumping back from a ruined history was the part of a situation that not only had the most logic, but the most actual evidence too. Two falchions, Lucina's foreknowledge of events, the brand in her eye which matched the one carried by the infant Lucina back in Ylisse. 

So Chrom and Sumia's daughter - or a version thereof - was here and helping them. Not only that, but she had supposedly come with friends, other allies that would be able to support them in what was swiftly developing into a war with Valm. Well, great, Eddi wasn't going to turn down additional help, and that was, shamefully, about as much consideration as she put into the matter. She assumed that if they encountered any of Lucina's comrades then she would identify them, and that would be that. She had plans to draw up, war councils to attend and weapon lessons to take onboard. Even she had limits to her attention, and sometimes there just weren't enough hours in the day.

It was only when they ran across a young mage in a desert skirmish that Eddi realised that things were a little more complicated than she'd first thought. Laurent was quick to join their cause, and for all Miriel's talk about 'unsubstantiated theories backed by circumstantial evidence', it was clear as day that he was her and Stahl's son. Which was, well, a little bit confusing. A baby version of Lucina already existed, but unless Stahl was one hells of a lot better at keeping secrets than Eddi had ever given him credit for, Laurent hadn't even been born yet. That really put a different spin on matters, as well as giving Eddi a serious headache once she started trying to pick apart the timescales for everything that had happened - was supposedly going to happen. From how things were with Valm, it felt almost like Lucina's grim prophecies could easily be on the horizon, and yet clearly it couldn't be  _that_ soon, if the future Lucina was a young adult when it all came about. Baby Lucina had an awfully long way to go to catch up, and yet...

Ugh. It was enough to make Eddi smack her head into the wall. It did  _not_ help that her nightmares had started getting worse ever since encountering Validar. In fact, that made up a significant proportion of the reason she hadn't been able to concentrate on as many things as she would have liked. Most nights now she woke up drenched in sweat and desperately gasping for breath, haunted by phantom visions of herself. Her hands crackled with magic, the levin sword in her fist shimmering with a dark aura. Everything simply felt... cold as she strode from village to village, driving all before her, blasting innocents to cinders with her unbridled arcane potential. Chrom, Lucina, others, they stood before her, and feeling numb, nothing but that chill and a faint sense of pride, she would rend them asunder. Of late, the dreams had added Validar behind her, laughing and nodding in approval, directing her, urging her onwards to greater and greater acts of cruelty. She'd found herself feeling then - and it wasn't shame, but _triumph_ , a smirk crossing her face as she looked down on the dead and the dying. The  _weak._  More than once she'd screamed herself awake in the middle of the night, frantically inspecting her hands for blood. If it wasn't for Sully - poor courageous, caring, wonderfully blunt Sully, then she might have just gone insane. Eddi would stir, thrashing violently, and find that Sully was already holding her in her arms, steady and reassuring.

"Hey, squirt. C'mon. It's okay. I'm here. Easy."

She never said 'it's just a dream'. Words couldn't express how grateful Eddi was for that.

Of course, that didn't stop the crushing sense of guilt she felt each and every time. This wasn't how a relationship was supposed to work. One person wasn't supposed to bear all of the burdens, and no matter how many times Sully told her that it was fine, that wasn't something Eddi was willing to let go. What exactly was Sully getting out of the time they were spending together, if all that ever happened was Eddi dumping her problems on her partner? For the love of the gods, Eddi was a grown woman, she should have been able to handle this, as disturbing as it was. And yet she couldn't. The doubts returned, and when each night Eddi went to bed, the dreams were waiting.

Strategy was her only solace from the storm of emotions. The Valmese empire were ruthless, but they were also used to rolling over everyone in their path. Moreover, they were used to a different breed of strategy than Eddi's Plegian learning had taught her. Ylissean courage backed by Feroxi muscle and Plegian guile - time after time, it would appear that the Valmese forces simply underestimated what they could do. Ambushes and feints were the order of the day, and by the time they began to realise, started to adapt to how Eddi operated, that was when she simply changed the rules. The Valmese tacticians weren't incompetent, far from it, but Eddi, bending every fibre of herself towards  _winning_ this war, was in dazzling form, perhaps the sharpest she'd ever been in her life. 

Eddi didn't really remember very much about her homeland, but she remembered chess. She remembered the way  _Plegians_ played chess, snatches of a figure across from her brutally demolishing her defences, attacking from every angle, claiming piece after piece. Go for the throat. Checkmate.

More than once and with increasing concern, Chrom pulled her aside after council meetings.

"Eddi, is everything all right?" he'd inspected her, brow furrowed. "You look exhausted."

"We're at war," she'd answered, attempting a smile. "The tactician is supposed to be tired."

He hadn't smiled. The joke fell flat and dead. "Just promise me you won't push yourself too hard. We need you, but nothing's worth your health."

Yes it was. Ylisse was. Her friends were. If the cost of avoiding her dreams, her... premonitions could be borne by her, then it was a price that Eddi would gladly pay. No one person in this army was worth more than any other, perhaps save Chrom alone. Even then, Eddi had considered circumstances under which it might be  _necessary_ to make sacrifices.

None, if she could avoid them, but that was Plegian chess. You didn't want to lose your pieces, and yet sometimes that was the most direct route. Go for the throat.

She didn't want to. It was the last thing she wanted to do - any tactician worth their salt wanted to do. Nobody planned to lose people. However, she wouldn't be worth her stripes in her role if it wasn't an eventuality she at least thought about. Before losing anyone else, though? Herself. Always herself.

Eddi never said any of that to Chrom, but she got the sense that he knew.

The first time she collapsed, it was right after orchestrating a ferocious land and air defence of a set-upon group of civilians. Wyvern valley, the biggest nest of the draconic mounts on the entire continent, and under attack from brigands. Fliers were always something to take into consideration on any battlefield. However, it wasn't often that an entire plan had to be considered in so many dimensions simultaneously. There was a great deal of open space to take into account, and whilst archers would usually have been the solution to an aerial offensive, on this occasion, there hadn't even been solid ground to position ranged attackers. The bandit riders could quite freely evade any ground troops the Shepherds happened to deploy, and yet without a frontline, the enemy's own warriors would roll right over them.

Eddi found herself having to micromanage every aspect of the skirmish, directing each move the fliers made whilst simultaneously monitoring the situation on the ground. She spent the majority of the battle in the air herself, riding double on the back of Frederick's wyvern, diverting resources to where they were needed, putting out fires all across the battlefield. Until recently she hadn't even known Frederick had wyvern training, an almost unforgivable oversight. Eddi should never have let herself overlook that type of information.

Eventually, they had won. No casualties. Battered and bruised, some injuries, but everyone, Shepherds and civilians alike, had made it through with their lives.

"Good job everyone," she'd told them all as Frederick brought the wyvern to the ground. "You all did great."

She had promptly fallen flat on her face. Mercifully, there were no dreams.

When Eddi came to, she was in bed, the blonde-ringletted figure of Maribelle hovering nearby.

"Eddi, you're awake!" Maribelle had lurched forward, like she was going to hug her but decorum had dictated otherwise. "You frightened me, you dreadful woman! I thought you may have been poisoned!"

Against the withering, embarrassing assault that was being lectured by Maribelle, Eddi had no recourse but to meekly hang her head and let it happen. Chrom could be reasoned with. Sully could be diverted. Maribelle most assuredly could not. It was almost ten minutes before she ran out of steam, and then not before espousing at length about Eddi's recklessness, lifestyle, and general inability to take good care of herself.

"Darling," she'd concluded. "You are working yourself to the bone. I must insist that you take some time to rest. That's a healer's order, understood?"

Reluctantly, Eddi had been forced to concede the point. Maribelle's wrath was not to be incurred lightly, and Sully would kick her ass if she found out Eddi was disobeying the doctor. Plus, just as soon as Lissa stopped preening over her newly-met son, she could be counted to be enlisted for the mother of all guilt trips.

Now  _that_ was a no-win situation.

A week of enforced time off later, and Eddi was starting to feel downright normal again. She still had plenty to concern herself with - being away from planning didn't mean that she wasn't thinking about the war - but having a layer of separation from it all was... nice. For once, Eddi could spend time with the other Shepherds just as friends, not as their tactician. She resumed reading that book Sumia had lent her. The nightmares even quietened down, just a little. More manageable; back down to the level they'd been at before that encounter on Carrion Isle. By comparison that was downright restful. The next time she woke up with Sully, it was nestled against her lover's front, the larger woman cradling her protectively in an embrace.

However, Eddi couldn't suppress the anxiety she felt when Chrom called the Shepherds to him for a fresh operation. More brigands had taken up residence in an old fortification, and the Exalt wanted to clear them out, gain a fresh outpost for the Valmese campaign. The logic made perfect sense - Eddi would have been completely onboard with it, were it not for the fact she'd been expressly forbidden from participating even in the planning. 

"It doesn't exactly count as a break if you charge straight back in at the first sign of action, you know," he'd told her, half smiling, but completely serious.

Damn him.

The worst part was that Chrom chose Sully to be on the team that accompanied him, because of course it wasn't enough that Eddi had to fret about everyone else, she had to spend the entire day going crazy with worry about her, too. That was the problem with getting attached - half remembered lessons told her that a tactician needed to be dispassionate enough not to get involved. Clearly, that was something she'd utterly failed to take to heart. 

Eddi wasn't sure that it was something she wanted to learn. What was the point of fighting alongside others simply to isolate oneself from them? How could anyone get a handle of the capabilities of their comrades without getting to know them? She didn't know if that was Plegian pragmatism or the mark of a callous teacher. There was amnesia for you... although if there was a mentor in her past, Eddi felt glad to have forgotten about such cruel and lonely logic. Friends and allies were what separated leaders like Chrom from madmen like Gangrel.

So Eddi was left to the camp, and to the company of the other Shepherds. Admittedly, there were much worse ways to spend the time, although of late most of the conversations seemed to be dominated by a mixture of anticipation and speculation. Everyone was constantly wondering who next from Lucina's group they would run into, and given the record so far, that flowed quite seemlessly into wondering whose  _children_ the next future-Shepherds would be. They'd encountered five now, counting Lucina - Laurent, Gerome, Owain and Severa. Most of them seemed to be enjoying the novelty of being parents, at least after a fashion (the look of sheer panic on Lon'qu's face upon learning Owain was his son had been something quite marvellous to behold).

Which left the other 'attached' Shepherds with plenty to think about, seated around the mess table, anxiously awaiting the others' safe return. In times like this, all there was to do was talk, complicit in the unspoken understanding that nobody need ever bring up the safety of those out in the field.

"Whatcha think, Maribelle? Reckon there might be the pitter-patter of little Vaikey feet anytime soon?" Vaike grinned broadly, waggling his eyebrows in the direction of his beau.

"Vaike, darling, I can assure you that you'd be the very first to know," Maribelle smiled, sharp as a razor. "And if you continue with this line of conversation, such news may be the very  _last_ thing you know."

He chuckled. "Haw, good one! Uh... that was a joke, right...?"

"Gee I dunno..." Donnel chimed in, poking his head up from behind the makeshift 'bar' at the far end of the tent. "Sure feels weird to think about me 'an Tharja havin' kids - sure haven't talked about it! But y'know, I didn't think ol' Lon'qu was gonna be a daddy, but there's Owain, plain as your nose on your face."

"Man, how do you think I feel?" Stahl interjected. "I'm never going to get used to Laurent! And if- uh, when- uh... you know. When young Laurent comes along, there'll be four of us, and they're all going to be smarter than me!"

"To be fair, beansprout, most everyone is," Gaius drawled, lounging on one of the seats.

"Hey!"

Vaike nudged Gaius in the ribs. "Welllll, if ol' Teach's ears didn't steer him wrong whilst he was on patrol last night, he reckons we might be expecting a baby bunny or two..."

"For goodness' sake, Vaike!" Maribelle spluttered. "You are utterly shameless!"

Gaius, for his part, merely turned a most interesting shade of crimson, and before long, most of the room was in giggles, even Maribelle, as much as she tried to hide her laughter behind her hand. Eddi managed a smile. She thought she might burst. What if things went wrong on Chrom's mission? What if they hadn't encountered Donnel's child because something terrible was soon to happen to Tharja? To anyone?

"Either way, I hope they warm up to us a bit more soon," Stahl glanced around the room, picking out Cordelia. "It's not just me and Laurent, right? The kids all seem a bit distant."

Cordelia nodded slowly. "Severa is certainly... standoffish."

In their future, we all died, Eddi thought, but did not say. Just because her mood was dark didn't mean that it was fair to inflict it on everyone else. "We probably take some getting used to," she said instead. "Remember that we're much younger than their own Shepherds would have been. It's probably very strange to see your mother looking young enough to be your sister."

"Augh..." Vaike grumbled. "This time-travelling stuff is making the Vaike's head hurt!"

"Simple mathematics have been known to have that effect upon you, darling," said Maribelle, taking a sip of tea.

Vaike's eyes went comically wide for a moment, and then he howled with laughter. "Ogre's teeth, 'Belle, where were you hiding those claws?"

"A lady never reveals her secrets, Vaike."

"Hey! Everyone!" Cherche's head poked through the tent flap. "They're back!"

"Is everyone-"

"Are they all-"

"Noone's hurt-"

Cherche's hands appeared in front of her, holding up in a warding gesture, laughing. "Everyone is fine. No need for dramatics!" she huffed, winked. "Honestly, you all are like a pack of hungry wyverns."

"You compare everything to wyverns," Stahl complained.

"Surely not. They're incomparable."

"Wyverns aside, did our comrades happen to make any new acquaintances?" Maribelle asked, just a little too casually to be truly casual.

"Oh, right. I almost forgot," Cherche nodded. "Another of Lucina's friends had challenged the bandits' leader to some kind of duel. Chrom and the others had to get her out of trouble."

As one, the room leaned forward, curious and questioning.

"Her name is Kjelle, she's Sully's daughter."

A lump of ice plunged into the depths of Eddi's stomach.

As the others crowded around to ask more questions, or headed past Cherche to greet the returning Shepherds, Eddi quietly slipped out of the far side of the tent.

 

* * *

 

Eddi didn't remember exactly when her thunder tome had wound up in her hand. The book was old and worn out now - no good for actual use in combat, even if the latent magical energy still persisted within. Regardless it, along with the tattered, oft-patched coat she still wore, was the sole memento of the time before. Of the time where her memories were nothing but a blank void, interspersed by only the occasional haze of something like the whisper of a recollection.

Before she met Chrom, before she met the Shepherds. Before Sully.

She clenched the book in trembling fingers, wondering if it were too much to hope for that the ground would open up and swallow her. Eddi had already been walking for ten minutes, and the clearing where the Shepherds had made camp had given way to trees, scrawny, hardy little things clinging to rocky ground. More than once she stumbled over the uneven terrain. She didn't fall. 

Kjelle. Sully's daughter.  **Sully's** daughter.

Sully had a kid.

Sully was going to leave her.

What else made sense? Eddi was clingy and needed too much attention and Sully was going to get sick of it and find someone else instead. Someone who could stick up for themselves. Someone who could navigate a social situation without melting down in anxiety. Someone who, someone who... wasn't her.

She tried to stop the tears, but she may as well have ordered the sea to part. A sniffle was first, and then, out of the edges of eyes squeezed shut, they began to spill. Damn it. Damn her. This,  _this_ was why she wasn't good enough, didn't deserve it- she was-

Eddi choked on something that was halfway between a sob and a hiccup and stumbled to a halt. Beneath her, the forest gave way to a sudden slope of scree, before resuming where it left off. No going any further, not unless she felt like hurling herself down a jagged rockface.  

For a moment, she even considered it, before seizing ahold of herself.

No. As much as it hurt, as much as it felt like little hooks were latched into her heart and ripping it away. Eddi wouldn't accomplish anything by damaging herself physically as well as emotionally.

All of a sudden, she slumped. Every ounce of energy burned out by sheer aching... numbness. The tears were still falling, but she didn't know if she was feeling much of anything right now. So much for resting. It was like every anxiety she'd had about how she stood with Sully had come true simultaneously. Maybe they hadn't broken up  _yet_ , but wasn't a child pretty damning proof? There were certain things that could be expected from a relationship between two women, and kids didn't make the list.

Eddi sat at the top of the slope for a time that stretched on for an eternity. The querulous voice of logic in the back of her head told her that it was getting late and that she would be missed, before being crushed by the bleak weight of reality. The Shepherds could go without her for a while longer. They weren't going to fall to pieces without Eddi hovering over them, analysing and picking apart their every move.

She just... needed... a little while.

Her fingertips crackled.

Eddi's eyes opened. Her tome was glowing, ever so slightly, the faded out energy of a well-worn spellbook. She sighed and wiggled her fingers, letting the tiny sparks of mana dance across her knuckles. 

She managed a wan smile. Even now, with all of her dedication to axe and blade, magic came to her without even thinking. Maybe trying to run from her dreams that way was pointless. Maybe it just proved the truth about what Validar had said about her being his daughter. It was in her blood.

"Eddi! Where the hells are ya?"

Eddi closed her eyes again as her gut wrenched painfully. Of course Sully would come out to find her; Sully was way too direct to not be honest about this kind of thing. She'd tell Eddi to her face that it was over, and then that would be that. It would... really be over.

She wondered, if she wasn't to  _jump_ down, could she at least  _climb_ down? Eddi had always been lighter on her feet than Sully. She'd probably be able to gain a significant lead on her.

And then do... what? Keep running from the truth?

That wasn't Eddi's style.

"Over here," she called, soft enough that she could kid herself that Sully wouldn't hear.

No such luck - the sound of footfalls was quick to reach her. Eddi felt the presence behind her without even turning around. "Holy freaking Naga, Eddi. What were you playing at? The whole camp's been looking for you!"

There was a lump in Eddi's throat that wouldn't go away, no matter how many times she attempted to swallow. "Needed some time."

"Sheesh, squirt, and ya don't think you could have just said something instead of running off without telling anyone?" Sully's voice softened. "We were worried. Hell, I was worried."

"I'm fine."

"You clearly ain't fine."

"Sully..."

"C'mon Eddi... you're shutting me out again."

Eddi hesitated. Sully sounded hurt. That didn't add up to Eddi's expectation of this conversation. She twisted, glanced up to where she knew Sully was standing over her.

Her lover's eyes were red. She'd been... crying? No way. What kind of sense did that make? "Didn't think you'd want me around."

Sully blinked at her. "Why the fuck not?"

Eddi bit down on her lip, hard. Half of her wanted to cry, the other, to snap at her. Why was Sully playing dumb, now of all times?

"You got to meet your daughter," saying it was like swallowing a razor blade.

There was a long pause. Sully's mouth moved a couples of times before actual words came out. "Eddi..." she said slowly. "I got to meet  _our_ daughter."

"Wh...what?"

Sully's jaw worked, and then she started to laugh, a sound which was nothing to do with humour and everything to do with relief. She bent over and seized Eddi in an enormous bearhug. "Trust me, squirt. C'mon, you've gotta meet her. It'll make sense, I promise," she paused, and then shrugged, still holding onto her. "Well. Not that much sense. But some."

"I... okay..."

Feeling as if the very earth had fallen out from underneath her feet, Eddi followed Sully back through the woods.

 

* * *

 

 

At the edge of the trees waited a muscular young woman with a lightly freckled face. Her hair was sandy blonde, with just a hint of curling at the ends.

"Kjelle. Thanks for waiting up," Sully called as they approached.

Kjelle glanced up, her mouth curling into a slight smile. Eddi's heart seized upon itself. No way. There was just... no way.

"Hey, mother," she looked past Sully. "Is... is this her?"

"One and only," Sully all but dragged Eddi forward.

"Oh... oh man," Kjelle took a step towards, and then hesitated, and then flung her arms around Eddi's neck. "I... shit. M-mom..."

The girl was trembling. There was nothing else for Eddi to do but hug Kjelle back. "H...hey there."

"Ha! Hear that?" Sully ruffled Eddi's hair. "I'm 'mother' and you're 'mom'."

 "I thought I'd never see either of you again," Kjelle said, her voice thick with emotion. "I can't believe it's actually you."

Eddi cast a helpless look at Sully. "We have a daughter?"

Kjelle laughed the kind of laugh that hid tears. "I don't think you get around to uh, me, for a couple years yet."

Eddi tilted her head back, trying to get a better view of Kjelle, which was easier said than done, given how much taller the young woman was. She... well... she looked like both of them. There were no two ways about it. The physique and the eyes were Sully's, but the hair, the freckles, the tiniest hint of Plegian in her accent...

"But... we're both women," Eddi glanced at Sully again, a furtive, worried glance, like her words would be the catalyst to bring the entire moment crashing to pieces.

She shrugged. "Hey don't ask me. Aren't you the wizard, here? We've got like half a dozen mages, and Anna," Sully spread her hands wide. "I'm guessing we work something out."

"I..." Eddi trailed off. She couldn't even argue with that.

Given the circumstances, she didn't want to. 

Sully wasn't breaking up with her. The opposite, in fact.

The clenching vice around Eddi's heart suddenly fell away.

"Y-yeah, I suppose we do," she took a step back, gently resting her hands on Kjelle's shoulders. "So I'm... going to be a bit new to this whole mom thing, but I'll do my best."

Kjelle beamed, and then reached out to sweep up both her and Sully into a huge embrace.

"Thank you so much."

Together they stood there for minutes that could have lasted for hours.

"Say, um... from this talk, I'm guessing you haven't met my brother yet, right?"

**"What?"**


End file.
